she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
