So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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