Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
