I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
