): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Sorry about my life...
Randomize
