She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
