bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
