I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
If that was your dad, he is hot
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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