if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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