Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
my sisters under your porch take her home
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
