He asked to "fluff my boner.."
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
