Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
