you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
