thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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