He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
