booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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