You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
