I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize