I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
