U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
