Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
