know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
