I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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