I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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