I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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