Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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