its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
