she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
