Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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