peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
We are all done wearing pants today
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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