I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
