so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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