I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
