well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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