"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize