i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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