Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
