I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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