dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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