where am i from again
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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