On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
They are going to name an STD after you.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
