SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
