just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
