dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
cat food counts as protein by the way
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
