So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
