Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
