He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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