If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize