do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
