Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
