Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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