I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
