If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
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