If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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