I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
