TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
