finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize