why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
