Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
