And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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