just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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