how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
