So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
