everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
