we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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