I want to walk on stilts...naked
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
worst night to have a conscience
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Randomize
