I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
